How You Can Build Self-Discipline in the 21st Century

Living in the 21st century is one of the most profound blessings you could have ever imagined. We have many options to do and experience thanks to instant communication, the Internet, and, more recently, AI. Yet, this abundance of things to do has a price in the form of a short attention span, which leads to mediocrity. How can you accomplish anything meaningful if you cannot commit to your goals?

Low-cost access to quick dopamine rushes (via social media, porn, video games, etc.) has weakened our discipline muscles. Sitting for an hour and reading a book is a tough challenge for some people.

It scares me that a whole generation of children were born without ever developing those mental muscles. Yet, those mental muscles are these days more important than physical ones. After all, our minds are our most significant assets in the 21st century. Machines are replacing more and more physically demanding jobs. Also, AI is becoming better than us in more occupations at lightning speed.

Let me be blunt here. You can choose one of two paths:

1. Develop your self-discipline and do something meaningful with your life

2. Getting stuck in a mediocre life

Either you self-develop, or AI will replace you. There is no good or wrong path here. If you are happy having an OK life, you may not need to develop self-discipline. But if you have a burning desire inside you that wants to change things but don't know how, then continue reading. I will tell you how you can become a disciplined person.

What is Self-discipline?

Many people equate self-discipline with cold showers, going "Monk Mode," or becoming an ascetic. Let me be clear here: Self-discipline is not about that. Doing hard stuff for the sake of suffering is pointless and can harm you.

Self-discipline is about having a purpose

It's crucial to have a purpose–a why. I wrote a lot about that in a previous newsletter. Having a compelling goal or vision will spark spontaneously self-discipline within you.

For example, I lost around 15kg at roughly age 16, and since then, I've never been overweight. It only started with a clear statement: "I want to be fit for the rest of my life." I was so determined and convinced about my goal that the process itself was effortless (even though it wasn't easy). Also, I didn't overcomplicate it. I found a method and stuck to it with iron discipline. However, I didn't experience much pain since I knew what I was doing would benefit my future self. And I am indebted to my past self for that. I would say that overcoming this challenge started my self-improvement journey.

Self-discipline is NOT Willpower

Others have always considered me as a person with a lot of willpower. But I don't think I have more willpower than the rest. Actually, I don't need it too much. Why? Because I don't have to think about the "good" choices. They are subconscious. That's true self-discipline. Willpower, on the contrary, is a conscious action.

Willpower is about resisting the urge to eat the cookies on your food shelf. Self-discipline is about not having the cookies in the first place. Your life becomes so much easier when you cut the temptations from your life.

As a personal example, I have struggled with video game addiction since childhood. I could spend the whole weekend playing at first Super Nintendo, and later computer games. I love strategy games.

But at some point, they start interfering with other goals. For me, it was personal development. After all, we only have 24 hours in a day. And I dedicated a significant proportion of my waking hours to studying for university and later working at one. But I wasn't delighted with my life, so playing was a way of forgetting about it for a while.

Long story short, one day, I decided that I wanted to make my life a video game instead of playing other people's stories. I uninstalled Steam and all gaming software from my computer. And I decided to forget about video games forever. I know that if I start playing for a bit, it will be very difficult to stop.

The lesson here is that you want to make your life as easy as possible:

• Want to lose weight? Remove all junk food from your house

• Want to stop playing video games? Uninstall Steam and throw away your consoles and controllers.

• Want to gain muscle? Have always prepared meals in your fridge

80% of self-discipline is about making the decisions you want to make as automatic as possible. The remaining 20% is for your willpower. After all, tempting situations will still occur in your life. But it is easier to say no to something once a day than ten times a day. Willpower fatigue is real, so use it wisely.

Self-discipline is about Autonomy

As I mentioned, I decided to stop playing video games at some point. Instead, I made my life a video game. I decided to become the Architect of my life, in other words, intrinsic motivation. You cannot always depend on someone to motivate you. A quick YouTube search will show hundreds of "Self-discipline motivation" videos. Those can be fine for a one-time rush of energy, but you cannot depend on them. YOU must be your best cheerleader.

Again, most of us live without a clear direction in life: your life is not wretched but also not great. Your addictions give you a way to escape the world.

Sometimes, you must experience a lot of pain to be motivated enough to change your life. That's why I see a valid point in going "Monk mode" or doing a "dopamine detox." In a nutshell, you remove most (if not all) of your distractions for a certain period.

There is a better way, and that is through having a minimalistic lifestyle. I use the 80/20 rule again. I live 80 percent of the time as a monk, while the remaining 20 percent enjoy life's pleasures. That is what works for me, but you have to figure out by yourself the best ratio.

Start fasting to be more disciplined

I've been doing intermittent fasting for at least five years (I forgot at this point when I started). And since the last couple of years, I only eat once a day most of the time. Now, I won't tell you that you should do that or that it is the best for you. Instead, fasting taught me that urges come and go.

If you haven't fasted before, you may think that hunger is an increasing function on time. In other words, as soon as you start feeling hungry, it will only worsen in time. Actually, this is not the case. Hunger behaves like a Sine function, that is, in a waveform (see the picture below). For example, I may start feeling hungry at around noon or if I smell delicious food. But after half an hour, the hunger disappeared! And then it may come again in a couple of hours. Sometimes, I don't even feel hungry when it's time to eat.

There is a scientific term for that I recently came across. It's called urge surfing, and it was an Aha! moment when I read about it. The idea is to detach from the urge and let it go. Meditation is also a form of training to overcome the craving. It teaches you to let go of your thoughts and not be attached to them.

Fighting the urges is a losing battle. Yet, it's important to avoid feeding them unintentionally.

Let's say you want to stop watching porn. Next time you feel the urge to watch it (and probably masturbate), notice the feelings you are experiencing. Note that you are not those urges. You have conditioned your mind to associate feeling aroused with porn and masturbation. The way to rewire your mind is twofold:

1. Noticing the sensations and noting that they will go away soon

2. Reduce (or eliminate) your exposure to arousing content. You are probably watching too many women on Instagram or TikTok. Even if the content is not pornographic, it may still stimulate your mind

Of course, the same applies to almost every addictive behavior. I encourage you to use this framework in your personal situation.

Conclusion: how to become more disciplined

Let me put together the ideas discussed in this newsletter in a list of steps you can apply to become more disciplined. Also, I include extra information gathered through experience and research about the topic:

• Self-discipline is a skill, and as such, it develops gradually. Start small and NOW, and don't wait for "perfect conditions." They do not exist.

• Most self-discipline is about making decisions automatically and subconsciously. Remove distracting elements from your life. Have a "disciplined environment."

• Your willpower is a precious asset, so limit its usage only when you have to make a conscious decision.

• Still, you can train your willpower by using progressive overload. In other words, you want to be exposed to challenging situations and leave your comfort zone. Here is when having cold showers and stuff like that can be helpful. But go slowly. Otherwise, you may deplete your willpower reserves and end up worse.

• Avoid overstimulation. Make your cell phone less desirable. I have it in black and white most of the time, so it's less compelling to use.

• Use urge surfing to your favor. Your urges don't go up with time but move in waves. Go for a walk and breathe fresh air, and you will forget about it.

• Have big goals. Having a compelling and ambitious vision will make you motivated each morning. A mediocre goal may be easier to accomplish, but it will be less motivating. Don't sell yourself short!

• Be honest: do you really want to be a disciplined person? Are you OK with struggling and pain? Because they will be inevitable

In summary:

• have a compelling vision

• remove distractions

• use willpower wisely

• unhook your urges from destructive behaviors.

It's easier said than done, but now you have the tools.

The ultimate choice now is up to you.

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